How To Even…Travel In Foreign Countries

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Mark Twain — maybe it was Roger Corman —once said that travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. Clearly, he wasn’t aware of the British Empire. This is just another example of how people, throughout history, have tried to sell leaving your home as something other than the horrorshow it really is. They say you can encounter new cuisines and new people, have new experiences, and broaden your horizons. They don’t seem to understand that’s what TV and Taco Bell’s exciting new menu items are for. Sad, really.

But sometimes you have to travel for business or to let the heat die down. Or maybe you’re just dumb. In those instances, it’s good to be aware of some of the common dangers one might encounter while traveling, such as monkeys, which look too much like people to ever trust. Or being identified as American and then having to endure the head-shaking and general pity of everyone around you.

Also, let’s be honest. We’ve seen a lot of movies, and we know how things go. Some of these countries, they’re just not like us, if you know what we mean. They do certain things differently, so to speak. Certain things we…