How To Even…Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

According to popular culture, a zombie apocalypse is inevitable. Maybe the North Koreans will discover some virus that turns us all into brain-eating shambling corpses (more so than, you know, we already are), or maybe it will be aliens. Maybe we’ll release some dormant disease from melting polar ice. Maybe some “scientist” will hold-my-beer us into oblivion after Trump “wins” his third term. However it happens, it’s looking less and less likely that Brad Pitt is going to save us. That means we’ll have to save ourselves. But how?

Supplies

First off, you’ve got to live. You need water. You need food. You need MTV. At first blush, water seems easy. It falls from the sky, after all. But only so often. You can drink the water from the toilet tank, your goldfish bowl, all that grossness, but you’re going to run out of water, there, too, and you’ll die knowing you drank toilet water.

Rain comes from clouds, but what makes it convert from water vapor to rain? First, we have to look at how clouds form. Water exists all over the world. In fact, water makes up the majority of the surface of the planet. That means it’s seen it all, man. Sometimes, it needs a break, a little “me time.” That’s when water goes up into the sky to detox, relax, and get to know itself. It might…