How To Even…Survive in Today’s Gig Economy

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

People used to have something called jobs. In that long ago time rainbows were edible — and delicious! — and a “job” provided you with a way to get the essentials of life: food, clothing, cable service, sporks, and hovershoes. This may sound like a weird science fiction premise to millennials and Generation Z, but centennials (aka people who look 100 years old to millennials/Gen. Z’ers) can vouch that it was not only true, but common. There was also something called Quisp cereal.

That’s all gone. Today, gig workers make up 115% of the workforce. This is expected to rise to 143% by Tuesday, according to researchers who don’t know how percentages work. But according to President Peachy Mint, we’re doing the bestest in the nation!

What is a gig economy? Simply put, it’s an economic trend where companies hire freelancers and independent contractors for immediate, short-term projects and tasks. The great thing about gigs is that companies don’t have to deal with those pesky, nanny-state labor laws that would require them to treat employees like human beings and provide benefits or breaks or good pay or any of that dirty, commie crap. This is because they’re not actually employees; they’re contractors, which are a little bit like robots and a little bit like termites. In a gig economy…