How To Even…Survive An Alien Invasion

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Welp, it’s finally happened. The skies are running red with the blood of millions and the laments of…no, wait, sorry. Different apocalyptic scenario. Restart.

Welp, it’s finally happened. The skies are running silver with the gleaming shells of space ships and the radio waves of…

Better, but it lacks a certain gravitas. Okay, third time’s the charm.

Welp, it’s finally happened. FUCKING ALIENS HAVE INVADED! WE’RE ALL SCREWED! THEY’RE PROBABLY GOING TO EAT US OR SOMETHING!!!

Better.

But don’t lose hope. On the final battlefield between humanity’s survival and total oblivion lie two probably drunk third-rate humor bloggers. And we’ve got you covered. So, educate yourselves about what to do and how to survive calamity from the skies.

What do the aliens want?

If you’re not part of a secret society of world-rulers, or the Facebook group Aliens ‘R’ Totally Real, you probably don’t realize the true alien agendas. Yes, plural. Let’s be clear. There are tons of different kinds of aliens. Don’t be racist, dude. Most…