How To Even…Pick the Cult That’s Right for You

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

*Disclaimer: we shouldn’t have to say this — read the title ffs — but this is probably going to offend some of you. You’re welcome.

We live in an increasingly complex and well-defined world. Once upon a time, if you wanted to know why stars were or how mountains happened, someone would just make up a story about a giant dragonfly that pooped it. Nowadays, we can look on Wikipedia and find out the genus of that giant dragonfly and learn that it’s endangered because of Big Oil.

More and more people are drifting away from traditional religion (For the purposes of this topic, we mean the dignified cowering before and worship of the invisible being in the sky their parents were into, as opposed to the silly cowering before and worship of the other invisible beings in the sky weirdos are into). Some consider this a crisis of faith that will have disastrous effects. Others are like, IT’S ABOUT TIME FOR FUCK’S SAKE. We, the authors of this blog, will remain neutral on this topic until one side or the other ponies up and hands over some moolah.

Regardless of where you fall on that scale, people can have a hard time leaving their unquestioned beliefs behind. There are a lot of positives to religion, after all. There’s no reason to throw the baby out with the…