How to Even…Make a Sandwich

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Sandwich making has a long and mostly forgotten history, from the first time Johnny Montagu, the Earl of Sandwich, was feeling the effects of syphilis too much to use a knife and fork and stuck his food between two pieces of bread, to your Subway Sandwich Artist cousin who is on the fifteenth year of his Gap Year and, let’s be honest, also has syphilis. Over the decades, sandwich making has been refined down to a rigid discipline and then exploded like a trick snake popping out of a can. Libraries have been written about the sandwich making arts, and then gone out of business because, seriously, sandwiches? And now we’ve distilled all of this knowledge into this one, beautifully written post. We can say, with a certainty born of Absolute Knowledge, that a truly delectable sandwich requires the perfect balance of these three elements: tact, work ethic, and fancy mustard.

So let’s explore. Shall we?

Tact

What is tact? It’s a sense of social propriety, a moral compass guiding us through respectful interactions. It is, in short, one of two things that separates us from the animals, the other being tennis shoes. When it comes to the sandwich making arts, tact is most necessary when selecting bread. There are many factors that go into selecting the perfect bread for your sandwich, such as…