How To Even…Live With Death

By CL Bledsoe & Michael Gushue

Death is an inevitable part of life. For much of human history, it came suddenly; we might be stepping off a curb and get flattened by a bus full of pianos. Or, in prehistoric times, a bus full of dinosaurs. But advancements in healthcare and the habit of looking both ways before crossing the street means that many of us live longer and longer lives, whether we want to or not. Instead of a sudden death, a long, drawn-out death might be our new reality, one that we have to make peace with and live with until our inevitable lease on life is up, as it were.

Death comes to live with us, and it’s a difficult thing to live with. As with any roommate, there are behavioral norms that any Death should agree to. Here are some ground rules that might help:

1. No loud noises after 10. With the shit state of health insurance in America, odds are you still have to work in the morning even though you’re dying of a terminal illness. The least Death can do is keep it down, okay?
2. Like, seriously. I can still hear you and I’ve got earplugs in.
3. Don’t bang my significant other. They’re going through enough right now, don’t you think, without some weird dude hitting on them? I know you were just being friendly, but be respectful, okay?
4. Rent is due on the 3rd. Not the 5th. Do you know how much cancer medicine costs? I can’t float you, dude.
5. If my name is on it, DON’T EAT IT. There’s nobody else here, dude…