How To Even…Live in A Dorm

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

This is the time of year when children and young adults all over America lose the precious sliver of freedom they’ve enjoyed the past few months. It’s back to school time. This may seem like a sadistic joke played on you by an uncaring universe, and it is, but it could be worse. You could be out of school, and having to fend for yourself. Fending for yourself means you have to choose between eating hot pockets or having running water. Because bills. At the moment, though, bills are something that happens to other people. But…

Let’s not dwell on that. For the next three weeks we here at HowToEvenCorp (A subsidiary of Monsanto) headquarters have a few select topics to make the end of summer break a little more bearable. This week, for college newbies, we show you How To Even…Live In A Dorm. Next week, we lend a hand to all primary and secondary education students with How To Even…Write About Your Summer Vacation. Finally, in week three of our special Back To School special, we’re offering a quiz on How To Even…Be Too Cool For School.

* * *

For a lot of us, going away to college was a formative experience, an experience that future generations will never have, because 99% of them will be indentured servants to billionaires. Who needs a college education to clean out the auxiliary horse stable…