How To Even…Keep That Minty Fresh Quarantine Feeling Going After This All Ends*

How To Even…
7 min readApr 23, 2020

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

*Haha jk it will never end.

Quarantining has not been fun for a lot of people. If it has for you, we’re not saying you’re a monster, unless you have horns or eat babies or are a hedge fund manager. We’re just saying that major life shifts take some getting used to for most people, and BULLY FOR YOU. And, of course, it was necessary, etc. etc.

But that doesn’t mean that maybe we haven’t learned some things from all this. Hear us out, if you’re one of those people who can hear writing. Otherwise, just keep reading the normal, boring, not crispy or blue-tasting way.

Social Distancing

Yeah, okay, loneliness is a bummer. Not being able to see people you care about for months at a time isn’t fun. But counterpoint: isn’t it, ah, fun, though? A little? People are still people, after all. Remember how you’d make plans to see someone out of guilt and then dread it and try to make excuses until it happened, and then you just got through it by drinking too much and picking a fight with your friend’s goldfish? Hasn’t it been kind of okay not having to do that lately?

And what about huggers? You know, those people who are always hugging or touching you because they like you or something? Hasn’t it been kind of okay not having to deal with them for once?

Or those people who don’t move out of the way on the sidewalk, hallways, two-seater motorcycles, etc.? They sure move out of the way now.

Or people who stand too close to you in line, in elevators, on escalators, in the alley where you are quietly trying to enjoy some Rosie-in-a-skirt all by your lonesome? Not doing that now either, are they?

Or — generally speaking — people who invade your personal space without offering to do sex, or give you money, or perform dental surgery?

How about, moving forward, we continue to maintain that six feet distance thing (that’s two meters to you scientists out there). Sure, we can still see the…