How To Even…Invest in Wall Street

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Dogs are gullible. If you have a stick or a ball in your hand and pretend to throw it, they’ll usually run to where they think it should land, or, if they’re old or lazy, they’ll look. You can do it again and again, and they’ll keep looking, every time.

We apologize to our readers if it bothers you to see us insult dogs. Let’s start again.

People are gullible. If you tell them they can invest their money in Wall Street, and that money will still exist (and even grow) when they’re ready to retire, they’ll do it. You can tell them this again and again, even as Wall Street crashes and they lose their retirement, and they’ll keep investing, every time.

But maybe this one time will be different. We’ve got a Republican in the white house, after all. That’s always good for business, right?

But that’s okay, because only poor people are dumb enough to lose their life savings and retirement fund, and who cares about them? We don’t really meant that. It’s just our way of saying that Wall Street is the ultimate get-richer-quick scheme for the already rich. The problem is where to throw all this money so that it bounces right back? Well, the obvious first choice is to give it to us. If you’re determined to show a return on your investment, we would be willing to…