How To Even…Dress and Act Appropriately as a Zombie

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

(NOTE: October is the month when HALLOWEEN HAPPENS. You can tell because stores are taking down next year’s Christmas displays and putting up the following year’s Valentine’s Day displays, just like Capitalism intended.

Of course, Big Distraction has gotten so good that we can’t remember what happened last week, and have no idea what’s supposed to happen a week from now. Some people call this neurological damage, and others call it Livin’ The Dream. Either way, we, the authors of this blog, are here to help. You see, we’re a lot like elephants: we never use deodorant, we never hold in our farts, and we never forget.

So, every Thursday in the month of Octember (whatever), we’ll be posting an informative and factual blog post covering a vital Halloween-related topic. This way, you won’t be caught by surprise when people show up at your door and demand treats, on October 31st. Or October Threedee-onesie.)

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Now we return to our regularly scheduled program: How To Even…Dress and Act Appropriately as a Zombie, already in progress.

You were wandering in graveyards, looking for company, yet again. Or you came into your job at the CDC, hungover, and spilled something. Maybe an asteroid passed too close…