How To Even…Do Your Taxes

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

It’s the middle of April. Your taxes are due, and you haven’t done them yet because of big important not-made-up reasons we won’t go into, but the primary one rhymes with ewe bergot. Hey, it happens…most years. Unfortunately, it’s now like ten p.m. on the last day to file. All the tax preparers whose home addresses you’ve tracked down REFUSE to answer their doors. A couple of them even called the cops, even though you explained that you never learned how to do taxes in school because you were too busy lettering in keg stands. (You may have had something to drink.)

It’s an unfair world, and it doesn’t deserve you, but you don’t have time to think about that now. There will be plenty of time for that the rest of your life. Now, you’ve got to do your taxes. Who knows? You might even get a sweet return! (Spoiler: you’re not getting a sweet return.)

Getting Ready

We’re going to go out on a limb and assume you’re poor-ish. We’re basing this on the fact that you’re actually paying taxes and aren’t yelling at your accountant right now. There are a couple ways you can do your taxes, then. Unfortunately, one of those ways requires you having had the foresight to go to the library or post office to get paper copies of your tax forms, and both of those places are now closed. If you did somehow manage to…