How To Even…Deal with a Headache

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Headaches are our body’s way of reminding us we’re alive, but maybe not for much longer because our head’s clearly about to explode. And when the stuff we’re keeping in there gets out into the world… *shudder*.

There are many kinds of headaches caused by different things, and they each offer different challenges in the treatment department. Lucky for you, our mail-order degrees from RealUniversity.ru just came in, so we are certified doktors of headacheology. We’re about to set some science down carefully so we don’t wake Terry. (He’s napping in the other room.)

Types of Headaches

• Lingering
• Explosive
• Presidential Press Conference

But What Causes Headaches?

Headaches are more complicated than most people realize. That’s why we consulted a leading headacheologist to survey the field. This expert (Vince, also known as The Mookster) was able to explain to us the difference between pains in the head, “a pain in my royal ass,” and “a big pain in my coglioni, capeesh?” He also showed us how to ward off the evil eye with gestures and imprecations, but we’re saving that for another How To Even.

Loss of Essential Fluids