How To Even…Celebrate XMAS

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Winter is cold and bleak and, due to climate change, won’t exist for too much longer, which is kind of a mixed blessing, considering we may not exist for much longer, either. But let’s stay on point here. If we divorce the winter holiday season from its religious elements, what we have left is a celebration of life during this dark time. It is, in effect, saying, “Yes, it sucks outside, but let’s have a party anyway.” Sort of like living in Ohio.

But the holidays mean more than that. They mean tradition. That’s when people keep doing something just because they’ve done it before, kind of like how Arby’s keeps customers. Some traditions are terrible, like eating at Arby’s, and some bring comfort with their familiarity, like eating at Arby’s. But the important thing is that they have those curly fries.

There are multiple holidays that fall during the wintertime, but Xmas is something that transcends religiosity (for marketing purposes). Regardless of the name of the building you sit on uncomfortable seats in once a year, we can all come together to spend too much money and watch movies that aren’t actually that good. Also, by writing only about Xmas here, we can milk the other winter holidays for more How To Even content later on.