How To Even…Attend Your High School Reunion

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

You get an invitation in the mail for your 25th anniversary high school reunion. Along with a xeroxed letter is a handwritten note from Debbie Pryzbylkowski. It says something along the lines of “I really hope you can make it, Timmy! I’d love to catch up with you!” “Love” is underlined three times. Debbie was not only your class’s valedictorian, she was the hands down best looking person in the entire school. You, of course, were in love with her. But you were a teenager; you were in love with everyone. Or, rather, in lust. Including one brief stint with a particularly attractive maple tree. But it was not to be.

It’s not that everything went wrong after that, it’s that it went the way it inevitably must. You simply settled into the groove of your mediocre life, sans any real joy or adventure. That’s not to say there weren’t good times, just not any great ones. But now here’s a letter from the past, a chance to jump from the ship of your wasted life into the churning waters of opportunity, perhaps waters filled with the sharks of humiliation, but also perhaps hiding in their depths the pearl of a weekend tryst. (You’re not so knowledgeable about how the ocean works.)

You want to look your best, but there’s not a ton you can do, genetics being what they are. Also, let’s be honest, fast…