How To Even…Arrange Your Personal Library Because You’re Old AF and Still Read Books

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Introductory Note

These are interesting times. If you’re like us, you are finding you have more time on your hands than you are used to. What with quarantines and social distancing, not liking people, opening up, and then quickly scurrying back into quarantine like a mouse that’s caught its hand in a cookie jar…it can be a real head scratcher what to do with all those extra hours. One of the things people have gravitated towards is finally arranging all the books in their personal library. As always, we’re here to provide the appearance of help.

What Are Books?

Before we go any further, a lot of you younger kids are going to want to know what exactly are books, anyway. Are they some kind of hand lotion? Or maybe a low impact way of strengthening your core? Perhaps you’ve overheard someone use the word “book” or “books” in a bar at some point. What were they talking about?

Basically, books were what your primitive ancestors (i.e., your parents) had instead of twitter, instagram, facebook, google, tinder, cell phones, kindles, ipads, laptops, pornshub, tumblr, yelp, tiktok, sex, hashtags, and swiping left or right. Books are still around somewhere, part shameful secret…