How To Even…Appreciate Fine Cinema

By Michael Gushue & CL Bledsoe

Once upon a time, educated people referenced books in conversation. The fact that they’d read them proved that they must be wearing smarty pants(tm). Before that, people probably referenced songs or stories, and before that, maybe they referenced interesting clouds or rocks they’d seen. We don’t know. We’re not anthropologists. Or people who know stuff.

But people don’t read books or talk about books, or know books exist anymore, unless they’re in grad school or actually enjoy reading. Now, the way to feel superior is to talk about movies no one has seen because they’re terrible movies where nothing happens. Or they’re in French.

What’s the Appeal of Fine Cinema?

As we said, the thing about artsy movies is nothing happens in them, or if things do happen, it doesn’t matter. For example, let’s say the movie is about World War III. Although this could be an exciting movie full of action, explosions, and human drama, in an artsy movie all you are going to see is a man in dirty clothes sitting at a table staring at a glass of water. You might be thinking, “That sounds boring,” and you’d be right. That’s the whole…